The Itchy Lot

TvD came up with a new word that I thought should be shared with the rest of the world.  She was reading one of those… classic spam messages that asked the immortal question, “Has your cum ever dribbled when you wanted it to squirt?”  This prompted a discussion of the art of ejaculation with a lady friend of hers, and they both agreed that although they prefered that their lover’s manchowder would dribble ever-so-daintily into their belly button so as to be easily wiped up with a kleenex or two (or three or four), the male of the species prefers to blow their wad as porno-volumninously and messily as possible, in a style more reminiscent of a Jackson Pollack painting than of a mere sexual act.  It was at this point that TvD came (no pun intended) up with the wonderful new word, “ejacrobatics” or “ejackrobatics” (soon to be a major motion picture) to descibe this style of sex that boys have clearly learned by watching too much Jeff Stryker, John Holmes, and Rocco Siffredi. 

It’s not easy being ahead of your time.  It sounds great, doesn’t it?  “He’s ahead of his time.”  But what it really means is that nobody listens to you, nobody respects you, nobody follows your suggestions until the need to do so becomes self-evident, by which time everyone forgot that it was your advice in the first place, and they often credit someone else who thought of the idea months or years after you first proposed it and were shot down.  Someone on the INTP list (Tink?) said “If it's NEW and it's BRILLIANT an INTP thought of it AGES AGO!”  I couldn’t agree more.

"I can't hear you! I've gone blind!"

“A complete part of this hairy breakfast.”

Sorry. No explanations.  It’s a TvD-and-Me thang.

Here’s my idea.  I was thought of it on the walk back from CVS with TvDetective.  I will time myself to see how long it takes me to eat one junior mint.  Let’s say 5 seconds.  Then I will pay someone to walk next to me with a bowl of junior mints and pop one in my mouth every 5 seconds.  Pretty nifty, huh?

So I’m sitting here watching Veronica Mars (which and whom I love), and this voiceover comes on encouraging me to checkout the NEW Veronica Mars website, which has “exciting” “new” features.  And I’m thinking to myself, How exciting can they be?  Don’t get me wrong; I’m all about Veronica Mars.  But unless they’ve got Logan Echols/Jason Dohring buck ass naked, I really can’t imagine what I’m going to get out of the website.  But you know what? In the interest of fairness, I’ll go check it out now. You wait here.

Ok I’m back.  So there are some IM buddy icons, each of which advertises the showtime. You can download some wallpapers. A who’s who done up as a family tree. Some interviews, video clips, trivia game, etc.  Ok, ok, i have to admit better than i”d expected.  But I still wouldn’t call any of it “exciting.” Of course, it’s probably all aimed at high school students, who get excited by pretty much anything.

TvDetective and I had lunch today. We were sitting on a bench when all of a sudden there was this loud buzzing and fluttering sound, and next thing I knew, something hit the ground in front of us. It turned out it was a HUGE hornet and a cicada, fighting. The cicada struggled a little bit more, buzzing and flapping its wings wildly for a few more moments until it finally just stopped moving. The hornet appeared to continue attacking it for a couple more seconds, and then it started dragging the cicada—which was every bit as big as the hornet itself, maybe bigger—across the pavement. I kept wondering where it was going to take it. It just kept dragging it until it got to the edge of the sidewalk, where there was a 3 or 4 inch curb to go over. Ok, i figured this was it, and it was just trying to drag its prey out of the way of the oncoming foot traffic. But amazingly, the hornet just “jumped” up over the curb, cicada in tow, and kept dragging it across the grass and dirt toward the nearby tree. Maybe there was a burrow in the ground where the hornet kept its food? No. It started dragging the cicada right up the tree! By the time we finally left, it was at least 12 feet up the tree. I still don’t know what it’s going to do with the cicada. Does it lay eggs inside it? Does it suck the juices dry? I don’t know, but it was just amazing to watch.

update: thanks to fishy, i now know that it wasn't a hornet, but a wasp. A cicada killer wasp, specifically. he found this page with a photo that looks EXACTLY like what TvD and I saw:

http://www.whatsthatbug.com/killerwasps.html

It turns out the cicada isn't dead yet; just paralyzed. And the reason the wasp was taking the cicada up the tree was just to get enough height to fly back to its burrow because the cicada is so heavy! As fishy said, "kinda ingenious." Then he said, "gotta switch networks," and signed off. Helpful bastard.

We had lunch today and we were talking about her boyfriend.  She volunteered the following information:

“Sometimes when he fucks me, my earrings fly off.”

I adore this woman.